May 2013
bedquest:
dear fucking tumblr
this is a fucking bumblebee
this is a fucking bee
this is a fucking hornet
this is a fucking wasp
as you can fucking see the longer their legs are and the less fuzzy they are is equivalent to how fucking evil they fucking are
So my professor was asking questions.
Professor: Who plans on getting married within the next 5-10 years?
Like 3 people: *raises hand*
Professor: Who plans on never getting married?
Me: *raises hand*
Professor: *points me out* why?
Me: It's illegal.
Professor: touche.
morphingly:
brightredkettle:
are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes
with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks
ryannxp:
irisowl:
So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized
Dr. Robert Evans
I looked it up
My dentist is Captain America’s dad
omfg
1 tag
pandacolfer:
if we mutually follow each other i better be invited to your wedding one day
*stares aggressively at Josh*
theangelgabrieldidmyhair:
The Yahoo people actually coming to look at the site they want to buy
ambassador-of-anguish:
shouldertappingghosts:
If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate...
When battle music plays in a game but you can't...
sodamnrelatable:
spookmyphallus:
equiuszahhak:
a short film in which 4 teens who think a zombie apocalypse would be “awesum x3 i would kick so much ass” end up in an actual zombie apocalypse and are eaten alive within 2 hours maximum
id watch it
cnnbreaking:
when you are so desperate you go to the second page of google results
hippofoliage:
hippofoliage:
hippofoliage:
hippofoliage:
hippofoliage:
hippofoliage:
what’s the worst word you can say on club penguin
i’m still on
i still haven’t been banned
I’M LITERALLY IN TEARS
and i only got banned for 24 hours
oh-woah-dope:
since this is yahoo, can someone help me please?
i held a girl’s hand the other day and she didn’t come to school for like a week. did i made her pregnant?
drowsyfantasy:
If you rape someone, it doesn’t matter that you’re only 16.
If you rape someone, it doesn’t matter that you cry like a child in court.
If you rape someone, it doesn’t matter that you had a promising future.
if you rape someone, it doesn’t matter that your life is destroyed.
If you rape someone, it should haunt you for the rest of your life.
You raped someone.
You deserve...
Moffat: You know who'd be great for this new doctor
Moffat: John Hurt
Moffat: I mean that last name of his, "HURT," just
Moffat:
Moffat: it just speaks to me
rneerkat:
rneerkat:
rneerkat:
what do boxes breath
boxygen
i stand corrected
plot twist: yahoo buys tumblr and we get proper blocking features, lockable posts, a sent folder in messages/fanmail with a better interface, ability to search multiple tags, removal of the post and message limits, proper search engines for likes/archives and removing that bloody "reblog as a link" option.
jackvvhite:
theres like a 60 year old woman on my course at community college and she wanted money so she got her son’s girlfriend to take sexy pictures of him and then she sent them to a gay porn magazine in the netherlands and got £200 and never told him
vladimirmedvedev:
“omfg i want a gay best friend so we can go shopping!!!” “when i have a kid i want them to be gay so i can ship them and their partner AND HAVE OTP FEELS!!! hahahhaah!!” “TUMBLR SHOULD BE A COUNTRY SO WE CAN BAN HETEROSEXUALITY!!! XDDDDD”
Don’t forget “I just want a gay son we can go shopping and talk about boys!”
And “I wish there were gay guys...
loki-kingwithnocrown:
Ah yes sir, Mr. Moffat, sir, I have a few questions about the latest Doctor Who episode if you don’t mind
untroestlich:
jesuschristvevo:
a white girl walks into a bar and asks for a frappuccino
what’s wrong with this? I always do this. Not at bars but at mccafe or starbucks.
I don’t get the joke. Someone tell me? :3
